ROSE'S BLOGS

HOTEL AMOUR

HOTEL AMOUR

I’m not sure how to frame this so I’ll just come out and say it. I...

BOTOX & ME AND THE JAVA SEA

BOTOX & ME AND THE JAVA SEA

Sydney is a merry-go-round of crypto millionaires, shimmering blondes and fabulously wealthy dentists all having a whale of a time. So long as none of them plan on ageing.

MUMMA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

MUMMA HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

”These aren’t my people mumma!” she wailed. ”Darling”, I replied, ”This is called society, and deep down everyone is exactly like you”.

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

Last week I went to a cocktail party hosted by supreme beings. They had the right sofa, the right cushions, the right scented candle

CHRISTMAS SCHMISTMAS

CHRISTMAS SCHMISTMAS

When I was 5, I was coaxed into a toy drawer by my big sister. As I lay there, blinking in the dark, I composed an operetta involving two

CAMP LOCKDOWN

CAMP LOCKDOWN

Starved of an audience and bored out of my mind, I have recently taken to strutting around the village, Queen blaring in my ears…

PLEASE DON’T LICK MY FACE

PLEASE DON’T LICK MY FACE

I’m a Londoner by rights so I’m not sure how I ended up on a deserted Somerset canal path, scared shitless of the gangly youth

EPIPHANY IN PINK

EPIPHANY IN PINK

Last Saturday my friend invited me to a ’House of Honey’ rave in Shepherds Bush. The theme was pink so I decided to come as