HOTEL AMOUR

HOTEL AMOUR

I’m not sure how to frame this so I’ll just come out and say it. I suffer from F.O.S.T or Fear of Sex Toys.  Ever since gorgeous Gail (blue mascara, cherry pout, high as a kite from the night before) burst into my university bedroom early Sunday morning 33 years ago,...
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES On New Year’s Eve many moons ago I went to a cocktail party hosted by supreme beings. They had the right sofa, the right cushions, the right scented candle (Diptyque’s Tubéreuse if I recall) and the right shade of Bone on their sitting...
CHRISTMAS SCHMISTMAS

CHRISTMAS SCHMISTMAS

When I was 5, I was coaxed into a toy drawer by my big sister. As I lay there, blinking in the dark, I composed an operetta involving two blind orphans drowning in the Caspian sea who are rescued by a lovely Chinese princess wearing a nightie made of humming birds....
CAMP LOCKDOWN

CAMP LOCKDOWN

CAMP LOCKDOWN Starved of an audience and bored out of my mind, I have recently taken to strutting around the village, Queen blaring in my ears… Gallileo! (gallileo)
 Gallileo! (gallileo), Gallileo Figaro..magnifico –oh-oh-oh- No! No! No! No! No! No! No! whilst...